Friday, April 17, 2009

Ashton Kutcher has a million assholes following his every 140 characters (or whatever).

Way to go, Ashton!

You beat CNN in some kind of Twitter-off or something, which if I recall correctly was spun out of the publicity generated from that Twitter suicide note your wife got for some absolutely stupid reason or another, which in a normal universe would be a little bit awkward and possibly distasteful.

Ashton threw it down. CNN stepped up. A million jackasses admitted that they have nothing better to do but to be poised to consume Ashton's every word.

This is a slow clap for you, Ashton. Starting out slow. Building in rhythm as we all start clapping together, as the crowd lifts you over their shoulders and marches you around the stadium, a million morons strong, chanting "Ashton! Ashton! Ashton!"

And then halting abruptly as the crowd drops you on your kesiter as they reach for their phones at the same moment to tweet that they were holding Ashton Kutcher in the air, dude, right at this very minute!!!

The article asks: "As Ashton Kutcher becomes the first to collect 1 million followers on Twitter and Oprah Winfrey sends out her first tweet, tech observers are debating: Does Friday mark a new peak for the microblogging service? Or the beginning of its demise?"

I'm going to have to go ahead and root for "demise", and I am heartened in this regard because Oprah's first post was all in CAPS, like an embarrassing mom who just figured out how to forward you an email with a video of cat falling off of a couch.

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